


Gas, Grass or Ass

by grangerinvestigations



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-25
Updated: 2012-11-25
Packaged: 2017-11-19 12:56:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/573526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grangerinvestigations/pseuds/grangerinvestigations
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nobody rides for free.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gas, Grass or Ass

“Derek!” Stiles shouted into the phone in his relief and excitement. He immediately felt a little bad; it must have been particularly grating to delicate werewolf ears, but Stiles was not one for holding back, and frankly, Derek should know that by now. “Thank God you are answering your phone, you are now my favorite person in the entire world.”

“What do you want, Stiles?”

“My jeep broke down, and I left my stupid freaking wallet in my dorm, and my dad is out of town, and Scott is in New York with Allison, and -”

“Stiles, really?” He could hear the annoyance, the weariness in Derek’s voice. It sounded pretty much the way he always did when speaking to Stiles. “You need me to come get you? You’re three hours away!”

“Only one now,” Stiles said quickly. “I was driving home and she just gave up the ghost. Tragic.”

“Call Triple A,” Derek said.

“I don’t have any money!” Stiles protested. “And Dad’s not home to pay. Honestly, Derek, I need to you to come get me, call a tow truck, pay for said tow truck, and drive me home. It’s a lot, I know, but I’ll make it up to you, I swear.”

Derek sighed. “Why are you even coming home if your father’s not there?”

“Dude, it’s Thanksgiving, remember, you are coming to dinner,” Stiles reminded him. “He’ll be home Monday. C’mon, be a sport, Derek, I’m in the middle of nowhere. Some unenlightened werewolf might come up and sink his teeth into me.”

“I should be so lucky,” Derek said. “Maybe he’d steal you for his own pack. Of course he’d probably send your dumb ass right back to me, and you’d be even more annoying than you already are.”

“You would miss me terribly.” Stiles said, grinning. He knew capitulation when he heard it. He could even picture the resigned look on his Alpha’s face. Derek couldn’t resist a pack member in trouble, not even him.

“Fine.” He made it sound like he was agreeing to root canal. “Where are you?”

Stiles fist pumped in victory and quickly gave Derek directions. Two hours later the Jeep was on its way back to Beacon Hills and he was sitting comfortably in the Camaro.

“You’re my hero,” he told Derek. “Seriously, I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t picked up. I really owe you.”

“I’ll collect,” Derek assured him, giving him a rather predatory smile. Stiles tried to hide his flush, but knew Derek could see it.

“No doubt,” he said, trying for levity. “I bet I dragged you away from another evening of beta-sitting. You should thank me, really.”

“How is this any different?” Derek asked, raising an eyebrow but keeping his eyes on the road.

“I don’t whine nearly as much as your wolves,” Stiles protested. “We human betas know how to behave ourselves.”

“I’d laugh wildly right now if I did such things,” Derek said. “Instead I’ll settle for a loud scoff.” He scoffed, loudly. “You have _no idea _how to behave yourself.”__

“I’m twenty now,” Stiles said, crossing his arms. “I can do what I want.” He smiled a little to show he knew just how deliberately childish he sounded.

“You’ve got two Alphas, Stiles,” Derek pointed out. “Three if you count Scott, although let’s be honest he is still really just my beta. You still have to do what your dad and I say.”

“Do not.”

“You want me to pull this car over, young man?” Derek smirked at him and Stiles grinned back.

“Admit it, Derek, you’re thrilled to come get me. You were probably just waiting by the phone, dying for me to call.”

“That’s how I spend all my evenings. Clearly.”

“Come on,” Stiles wheedled. “How are you even surviving without me? No one else can give you the sass that you so desperately need. Don’t worry, Derek, it’s only two and a half more years, and then you’ll have me to yourself again.”

“Thank God,” Derek said drily. “Of course by the time you graduate I might be dead. Fingers crossed!”

“Hmph,” Stiles grumped, leaning back in his seat. “I’ll have you know that my midterms went swimmingly, and if I take one or two online summer classes I can probably even finish early, so there.”

“Great, you’ll be back terrorizing the populace even sooner than threatened,” Derek said. “You know, if you _do _become a cop, you really _will _have to listen to your dad and me. I’ll have five years as a deputy by the time you get back, so I’ll be higher up the food chain. Plus you’ll have to actually _obey __the __law _, which is difficult for you.”__________

“Pshaw,” Stiles scoffed, waving his hands. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Besides, obeying the law wasn’t exactly second nature to you at first, either, and you’re already as high up on the literal food chain as you can get.”

Derek snapped his teeth at him and Stiles grinned again. He loved when Derek played along.

“So, are you going to buy me dinner tonight, too, or what? I’m starving and would not say no to greasy diner food.”

“Wow, you’re really racking up the debt tonight,” Derek said. “You sure that’s a good idea?”

“Shit, you’re my Alpha,” Stiles said. “It’s your job to take care of me anyway.”

“Nah, you’re basically a hitchhiker right now,” Derek replied. “And you know the rules about hitchhikers, right?”

“You’re not going to feed me finger fries or hog-tie me to a truck like Jennifer Jason Leigh, are you?” Stiles narrowed his eyes. “That would not be conduct becoming to a Beacon Hills deputy, just so you know. My dad would seriously frown on that.”

“Nope, you’ve just got to pay up,” Derek said, shaking his head and leering again. “Gas, grass or ass, buddy.”

Stiles laughed. “Yeah, okay.”

“I’m serious, Stiles,” Derek said. “I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them.”

“Sure.”

“Did I stutter?” Derek asked. He was still wearing that predatory smile.

“Okay, well, as we’ve established, I have no wallet, so gas is out,” Stiles said. Just because Derek was being ridiculous didn’t mean Stiles couldn’t humor him. He did like when Derek would get goofy with him, after all. It was another side to the surly werewolf that Stiles didn’t think many people got to see, but Derek was always looser with him, more at ease than with anyone else.

“That’s one down,” Derek ticked off of his fingers.

“One, you are a deputy. Two, my dad’s the sheriff. Three, no one says ‘grass’ anymore, oh my God. Four, can you imagine me high?”

Derek looked off into space, as if he was indeed imagining it. He gave Stiles a look of mock horror and shuddered.

“Exactly,” Stiles said, “so your ‘ _grass _’ is out, too. Sorry, dude, but unless I lace it with that purple wolfsbane you probably wouldn’t get much out of it either.”__

“True enough,” Derek conceded. “You know what that leaves, right?”

Stiles flushed again. He never really could squash his crush on Derek, especially when he said stupid things like that. He knew Derek was kidding, and he didn’t think he really knew about Stiles’ attraction, but still. Give a guy a break once in awhile.

“Yeah, let’s go with that,” Stiles said sarcastically.

“I was hoping,” Derek said. “I suppose you could have brought out weed from somewhere, but then I would have had to arrest you. This is much better. There’s a motel up the road.”

Stiles stared at Derek in shock for a moment before he remembered himself. “You’re ridiculous.”

“You’re right,” Derek said, looking thoughtful. “That _would _add to your already impressive debt. I know some places we can pull over, where no one will see us. We can do it in the back seat if you think there’s enough room, although I think I’d prefer the hood.”__

Stiles flashed to _that _image and flushed even redder, barely suppressing a full body shudder. He was sure Derek could hear his increased heartbeat; hell he could probably smell the _want _suddenly coming off of him in waves. This was humiliating. “You’re not funny.”____

Derek hummed like he was taking considering Stiles’ points. “It _is _a bit chilly, you’re right. I run warm, though. If I’m plastered over your back you won’t feel the cold. I think the Camaro’s a go.” He dropped a hand on Stiles’ thigh and Stiles actually stopped breathing for a moment. This was going too far.__

“Stop,” he said sharply, throwing Derek’s hand back to him. “You’ve made your point; I won’t call you for a ride again, Jesus Christ.”

“Are you saying you don’t want to?” Derek said, almost quizzically, as if he couldn’t quite understand why Stiles wasn’t going along with everything. “I mean, I could definitely _demand _that you honor the hitchhiker's code, but I didn’t actually think you would protest.”__

“You’re being a dick,” Stiles said, still red and flustered and angry. “I’ve given you loads of rides in the Jeep without being a creep about it.”

“Well, if you’d demanded payment, I would have given _you _a ride in your Jeep.”__

Now all the blood had left his face as it rushed someplace further south. What the fuck? Derek was handing him yet another image for his spank bank and this was officially unacceptable. But hell, if Derek was going to suddenly turn into an asshole (well, more like _revert _to an asshole, because that shit was _ingrained _in his furry friend), he would call his bluff.____

“I don’t know, Derek,” Stiles said. “How secure are these secret pull-aways? If we get caught you’ll get fired and my dad will be pissed.”

“Please, your dad thinks it’s already happening,” Derek said, causing Stiles to sputter. “He’s given me _many _thinly veiled threats on the subject.”__

“Bullshit.”

“Nope, he sure has, but an arrest _would _be problematic,” Derek mused. “Alright, your dad’s not home, let’s do it there.”__

“If I thought for one second you were being serious,” Stiles said, “I would be offended by the business-like approach you’re taking to this. Where’s the romance, Derek?”

“It’s hard to be spontaneous when we’re driving, Stiles,” Derek replied. “I didn’t think you were the candlelight and roses type, anyway.”

“I didn’t think you were the blackmailing dudes into bending over type, either, Derek, so I guess we’re learning some new things about each other, aren’t we?”

Derek shifted in his seat when Stiles said ‘bending over’ and shit, maybe he _was _serious about the whole thing after all. That was...__

“Alright, dubious ethics aside,” Stiles said, “let’s say - hypothetically, of course - that you are indeed in earnest.”

“Oh, I am,” Derek assured him, dropping his hand to Stiles’ thigh again. This time he didn’t move it away.

“Well, then,” Stiles said, raising his eyebrows and thinking perhaps this was his lucky - very, very, _very _lucky - night after all. “Law be damned, pull off in one of your little secret sex burrows, Derek. Then you may proceed to give me a proper rogering -”__

“Rogering, Jesus Christ,” Derek managed, squeezing Stiles’ thigh.

“ _Rogering _,” Stiles emphasized, “on the hood of the Camaro, as promised. _Then _, you are going to buy me food, and I’ll pay off _that _debt in my bedroom. And when the Jeep’s fixed, you are going to let me drive us back to your apartment, where I will be collecting my _own _little hitchhiker’s debt. With four year’s interest.”________

“Deal,” said Derek, giving him one more squeeze before putting both hands back on the wheel. He slowed down and flipped on his signal, turning onto a dirt road Stiles wouldn’t have noticed in a million years. “You’re going to stop sleeping with co-eds, though. Boys _and _girls.”__

Stiles smiled, his heart beating faster as they drove further away from the main road. “I can accept that. But dude - you are going to appreciate my experience, believe me.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Teen Wolf story. Thanks for reading!


End file.
